I spent a lot of the first three decades of my life believing I was weak. My innate sensitivity made me feel shy, uncertain, emotional, volatile and afraid. The world felt overwhelming, and while I conformed to societal standards around success, inside I always felt like I was performing or pretending. And a large part of my fear came from worrying about what would happen if people knew how much I broke down emotionally when no one was looking. I carried a lot of shame about my emotionality, and it led to a debilitating fear of myself and the world.

One of the greatest gifts of my healing work has been a reclaiming of my sensitivity as a gift. I now know it makes me stronger. And what’s more, I realize that all the times I thought I was being weak by feeling and exploring my emotions, I was actually embarking on the exact process that builds depth and emotional courage.

Growing up, my strength often didn’t look like traditional masculine strength: I cried at the drop of a hat; I wasn’t particularly athletic; I often made emotional rather than rational decisions; I felt overwhelmed and afraid in chaotic places and/or large groups; I felt everything so deeply that sometimes I was highly erratic. And because all the examples of strength I saw around me portrayed the opposite, I drew the conclusion that I was weak.

And yet as we begin to reclaim more reverence for the feminine and emotional intelligence, we are owning a more complete picture of how strength is embodied. We are recognizing that emotional courage is just as important as rational thought. We are realizing that a more complete picture of strength includes being able to witness and own our emotions. It includes having the courage to be vulnerable, to admit when we don’t have an answer, and to maintain healthy boundaries as a container for safe emotional expression.

The times when I feel my weakest are also the times I know I am building a new level of strength. So maybe hold that in your heart the next time you break down: with presence, compassion and courage, today’s emotional struggle becomes tomorrow’s newfound strength.